he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
