he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
