It's just like the Real World with babies
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
