My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
