I got chris browned last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
