I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
