Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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