Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
