Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
