Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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