We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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