And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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