I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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