apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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