im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
