nut hugger
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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