Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
