New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
