yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
