also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
