walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So much rum. So many feels.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
