bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
