Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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