Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
