Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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