I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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