i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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