I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
