So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
