Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
