I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
