I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
