Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
