I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
