I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
