im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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