Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
