I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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