Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
