i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
