All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
