drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
porn star boner night. come get it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
