I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
