If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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