I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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