I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
