we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
