the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
