i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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