i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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