My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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